Thursday, April 29, 2010

a year ago..

So I realized the other day that April 3rd marked my one year anniversary in the blogosphere. I guess I've been a bit too busy with all that life has thrown my way lately, and missed that day and the opportunity to have an anniversary blog post. Well, it's been almost a month now, so doing a special post to commemorate the year missed it's turn.

However... I feel that perhaps there are a few things I can note about the past year. What a year... I can honestly say-and I have done so in the past- that this corner of mine really did save my sanity in all the darkness we had to endure. When I first started writing here, my husband was fighting the battle with his illness already and in the months that followed, with all the pain and the ugliness that cancer brought to our lives.... we shared many happy moments. There was a lot of love and joy still residing in our home, and I'm so glad that I was able to share those moments with all of you here and in some way writing about all of it eased the experience for me and gave me a place to not only document that time in our lives, but also created a place to look back on. The pages here hold so much love, sadness, pain, joy, beauty... in other words life...our life, the last moments of his life... and no matter how painful it can be for us to flip through these pages at times, it still fills our hearts with joy and warmth... The kind words that all of you gave me also warms my heart, those very words kept me going so many times, on so many days where my strength was running low, you guys gave me strength and hope...and for all of that I am so thankful. This corner of mine shared by all of you DID save my sanity and my life, I am the person still standing here today because of you... because of the love you all showed me..

In fact, as I sit here this windy morning in LA, looking at the photo in front of me on my desk of my husband and I... all the memories we made together are rushing through my head. We have a great many... we did a lot together, saw many things, felt so much, experienced a lifetime together... I am so grateful for that...

Here's whats going through my mind now... let's sit for a moment, get a pen and paper and write down all the things we've done in our lives so far. All the things we are proud of and the things we've done that we are not so proud of, write down all the big and little things we've achieved, the greatness we've shown at times as well as the ugly and bad things we've done. All the beauty we've seen, all that we've felt, all we've experienced... Think about it... how many times do we really sit back and replay our lives in our head... not many. Most of us think back on our lives at the end of the road, on our way out, and hope that it was a full life, one that doesn't give us too many regrets. But what if we can do this on our path, as we are walking it in stead of at the end of it... For one thing, we can see that we have lived so far, that we have had many experiences, good and bad, and that all we've seen and done has brought us here, and for that we should be thankful. However... if the life we see behind us feels empty and unfulfilled... perhaps we can open our eyes and our hearts a bit more, and let life penetrate our days. Perhaps by seeing on paper what we have or have not done yet.. will push us into living a fuller life... and maybe we will be more open to experiencing things that come our way... huh maybe it's time to make a bucket list...

Time to live our lives to the fullest.... so... let's let life penetrate our days...


  1. I think that's a smart and brave thing to do...I don't know why I've never really sat down and really wrote down what I want to accomplish before the end of my life. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day, that hours become days and days literally become years, and then you wonder, have I really been living? I totally get what you're saying.


  2. it's been so long, us girls should get together. we should plan something next month.

  3. Happy belated blog-anniversary. I don't know why I assumed you've been blogging longer, but I did. Your posts are always so beautiful. It's a joy to visit. Looking forward to reading your bucket list!

  4. Well hate belated blog-anniversary to you Mari. Goodness, what a year...and you're right, we should all take stock more often. I just blogged about it, kind of, in the context of going to a naming ceremony yesterday. The baby's father talked so movingly about the long journey he and his wife have been on to make their family of three in to four...and about the love of those four people have for each other. I often think/talk about my blessing, but hearing it like that really moved me.

    Live every day as it it were your last, that's such a good motto isn't it?

    I know that last year has been awful for you, but you have moved and touched so many of us. Many good things have come out of the horrors of your year. Gag would be SO proud of you!

    Hugs xxx

  5. A beautiful meaningful post as always. Please look at my April 30th post!