Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Now is all we have..

Life teaches us many lessons from the time we come into this world to the very last day we breath.  With all the lessons comes great knowledge, experience, regret, foresight, patience and most of all understanding.  Some lessons are harder to learn and therefore we face them a few more times than we really want to...

If I've learned anything from the years that are behind me now, is that life.. with all it's beauty and joy can also be a very ugly and painful thing.  I've learned that nothing lasts, that all the good and the bad eventually dwindle away and end..  Pure joy and utter pain don't necessarily ever leave but perhaps we just get used to it and become numb as we grow older, and with each experience and lesson we perhaps get tougher, more resilient.. and in the process loose our childish enthusiasm, imagination and curiosity.  We accept things with more ease, stop fighting with our inner demons and even take the joyous experiences with a slight smile rather than a hearty laugh..

In my case... we went from having a comfortable, warm and fuzzy life to a harsh, treacherous, painful existence, surrounded by pain and grief.  Surviving days with tears and hardship while barely making it through nights with a cold bed, wet pillows and a longing for warmth..  But as time goes by, and even though the pain is still the same... we've gotten used to it, have built an immunity to grief, and are a bit more numb to everything that comes with life..  I see it in my boys and I feel it deep inside of me..

Lessons learned?? Still figuring that part out, but the most important lesson I've learned from all this is, like I said.. nothing last forever, happiness can be lost at a moments time, and sadness eventually leaves as well... So at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I will say this... all we have left is NOW!  Whatever situation we may find ourselves in, that is all we have, so we may as well laugh whole hearted as well as cry from deep within.  This very moment will never repeat, and the joy or pain we feel right now is the very essence of being human, of living our lives.. however long that may be.  I think by really submerging ourselves deep into this moment we can say that we are human and at the end of our journey, as we look back at all the miles we've walked... we can say that we've lived... and learned... and experienced all that this life had in store for us..

And that is a satisfying feeling...


  1. ...all we have left is NOW! You expressed it very beautifully. As always when I read your writings, I feel them deeply in my own way. I felt the weight of every word, some uplifting some harsh and bearable and some seemingly unbearable. I’ve realized and profoundly so, that It’s all good no matter how cynical it might sound to us at times. Cheers.

  2. Yes it is all we have. You can be hopeful for what the future brings and stop yourself dwelling on the past but concentrating on the Now is imperative to happiness. hugs my friend!!

  3. Well said my beautiful lady. NOW. I think it was Alexander Graham Bell who said "When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."

    Heartache stays with us so long, does it ever go away. I really hope not for in itself it builds a character within us that allows us to feel something different. It allows us that ability to perceive, over time, the NOW factor that you mention. Slowly we turn from the past and begin to see, with different eyes, what you have so aptly expressed.

    Life is NOW and we are blessed, you are blessed when we know that.

    Namaste my friend.

  4. I've been reading your blog since very begining,I cryed with you reading what you went throu and what kind of pain are you still going throu,but lets look at positive side,he left two little Gagos with you,your bodygurds two handsome copys of him,and its worth living and enjoy life He left with piece knowing that you can replace him, and be for them Gago and Marine you are strong woman I'm so proud of you and He is proud of you too.I love you Marine jan!having such a big heart!!!

  5. nice words, thank you for your honesty. hugs from ireland eliane

  6. since this time last year, i have had some issues that i had to struggle with ... to be honest, something that i am still struggling with. it may not be something quite as painful as what you have been through, but for me, its the worst thing i have had to deal with. i live through each day telling myself to see the good in little things and to live in the moment.

  7. I screamed, but instead of sound I got silence. I had been wounded, abused, turned into mush and still for some reason I found myself again. My inner voice had returned along with a newfound awareness. I looked in the mirror and I no longer saw a stranger but the weird bubbly all smiles self…The ethereal curves of my psyche had transcended into my physical spirit.

    My funk is a thing of the past. I feel transformed and refreshed. The flame inside has been re-lit except this time it shines brighter, with a flame as long as the monstrosities of York. I know myself now. It’s magical to say the least. Who knows what greatness will emerge now that my consciousness has sprouted.

    You know what it is…it’s a strange feeling. I feel at peace as if I am finally the one in control. My emotions, depth and understanding are not determined by others but by myself. With this principle comes the ability to maneuver around illogical reactions and instead of finding myself in the cul de sac of streets I began to realize that it’s an open road…with open endings…with an open variation as to how you can react. It’s all in perception. EVERYTHING. It cannot be stressed enough that looking through lenses of rose colored glasses makes everything worthwhile, free, and unbolted. I’m part of this all and so are you! Use mystic means to pull your “self” out from within and stand behind your physical self and shove/push/thrust/ram your corporeal self into the canyon of the 4th dimension.

  8. such truth in your words. and love, always love.