Friday, July 31, 2009

road to recovery part 2..

I guess I spoke too soon this morning... as it turns out I was able to shake it off, get busy and pass the day a bit more productively than I though.

I tackled a couple of jobs today that I've been putting off... and as usual the tasks only seem daunting and horrendous when you think about them, but not as much when you are actually in the middle of taking care of them. For example, I had to order Gag's tombstone today... and just the thought of it has been so heavy in my mind that I was afraid it would be too difficult, and don't get me wrong it was... let's just say an unusual task... it was a bit unreal... designing what you want on your beloved husbands tombstone.... but it wasn't as horrible as I had thought...

Then there was the task of going through his clothes.... now this I was really dreading... but once again.. as I went through his things slowly, remembering happy occasions in some of his shirts... smelling his jackets and caps... and very quickly discarding the clothes that he wore throughout his torturous illness.... I got through that too, letting some tears free and smiling at times. And again it wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. Perhaps it's the satisfaction of having taken care of a task that's been on your mind for so long that gives you this peace and once it's done... yet another chapter closes, and a new one can begin.

So, it turned out to be not such a bad day, yes many painful moments... but as I sit here typing away... I hear the kids out in the pool, splashing and laughing away... and that alone puts a little smile on my face.... they are happy right this moment.... that's all I want now.

And just wanted to thank all of my cyber friends for your words that sink so deep into my heart and help me see the light so many times...THANK YOU!


  1. Each day you are going to discover a little more of yourself than you knew the day before. And because I have such faith in who you are and the foundation upon which you have grown, I absolutely know that the discoveries you make will be ones you come to treasure over time.

    As always, than you for sharing.

  2. Going through his things can be cathartic, but, if it gets overwhelming, you could pack some things away for now and wait until a time when you are ready to go through them. You don't have to do too much, too soon...I think it's great that you found some light through the tunnel today....

  3. beautiful, beautiful words. thank you for yet again continuing to share your recovery journey with us. The ups and downs are life and you are dealing with it with the same grace and wisdom as you always have. Please keep it coming....I for one can say I enjoy hearing about your recovery one day at a time.
    love, Kamatz Gigi

  4. I took a deep sigh when I read the part about smelling Gags clothes. I love that. I hope the kids splash in the pool until their hearts are content. : )

  5. I second Gigi's comment, that she enjoys reading about your road to recovery. I find comfort in your blog. I know it's a place I'll always find truth, honesty, and realness. It tells me how you're doing, what you're feeling, and it's such a unique thing, that discovering it with you, is a gift. Thanks for sharing your very personal self.

    Nairook :)