Tuesday, July 14, 2009

distance...

I decided today.... that I need to let my heart breathe...

I've taken all I can.... my heart can't take it anymore...

Seeing him like this just destroys all the beautiful images of him I have inside...

I've stood strong, and patient, and have done all I can...

Now... I have to let him be... the nurses that care for him do it well, and I just can't care for him anymore... I will go in and kiss his hand ever so gently now and then... but can't overstay my welcome, he wants to go... I can't have him anymore... I have to let go...

I have an ache, that wont go away... not for a long time....

with a heavy heart....

peace
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16 comments:

  1. Sue GJuly 14, 2009 at 10:00 PM

    I had a comment all ready to post and then I lost it. I generally trust when things like that happen. So, rather than try to recreate what I had written, I will just tell you that I know what you are facing, and I am so sorry. How I wish you could just turn to another direction and face a different story with a very different ending.

    You know that we are lifting you and Gag in prayer, and I hope that you can find some comfort in that.

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  2. Eliane ZimmermannJuly 14, 2009 at 11:03 PM

    so sorry to read about your unbearable ache. but to fell your love for him between the lines (and above and around the lines). that's all what counts and what he needs. may the force be with you! eliane

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  3. spudballooJuly 15, 2009 at 1:34 AM

    I'm so sorry my love...these are dark days, I have been there. It's very hard to see someone so vibrant reduced to a shadow of their former glory. With time, you will forget these unbearable images...they are just a tiny fraction of a life well lived, and lived with passion and energy. This is the time to make your peace with yourself, and prepare for what is coming as best you can.

    You are in my prayers. xxx

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  4. DashJuly 15, 2009 at 7:06 AM

    Im so sorry, mari. I too feel your pain. Its unbearable. Stay strong. YOu can do this.

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  5. An Open HeartJuly 15, 2009 at 8:07 AM

    After my Grandmother died, I found this amazing greeting card, it had this quote on it....I read it periodically to remind me that my beloved Grandmother is with me always:

    "Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."

    Gag will always be with you, his spirit will permeate your heart and your life....his memory will only shine - reminding you of the 'living' Gag instead of the hurting Gag.

    You and your family are in my prayers.
    S

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  6. christinaJuly 15, 2009 at 10:07 AM

    I am praying for you and your family.
    I love you.

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  7. AnonymousJuly 15, 2009 at 10:44 AM

    My heart is racing and I can't believe this is happening. You guys are constantly in my thoughts. Gagik was very fortunate to have you to love him and care for him the way you have. He will always be with you and the boys looking down on his trio with love and pride. His spirit will live in all of you. My love and prayers go out to you. (Gayan)

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  8. Geneva FlooringJuly 15, 2009 at 2:27 PM

    my heart is breaking with you.

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  9. AnonymousJuly 15, 2009 at 2:49 PM

    thinking of you still and always....
    gigi

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  10. JenniferJuly 15, 2009 at 7:08 PM

    Marinik, I hope that you can feel this circle of people around you. Imagine all of us in this blog world, all holding hands to create an emotional net to enfold you, or support you, or let you breathe.

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  11. DebJuly 15, 2009 at 8:42 PM

    I had no words of comfort to offer, so I walked to the garden and prayed. This came. I hope it is comforting.

    Psalm 23:4

    Even though I walk
    through the valley of the shadow of death,
    I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

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  12. AnonymousJuly 15, 2009 at 10:52 PM

    Hi Mari,as I was reading I know that no words can comfort you now it is very hard for you and unfair just know that he will not be in pain anymore and will look at you guys from HEAVEN your love will always be in your harts as long as you and loved ones remember him with good and happy memories.

    Alot of positive energy, peace and love on your way.

    Ani S.

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  13. KittyJuly 16, 2009 at 7:47 AM

    namaste. i will go to the shrine and light a candle for you and your family. with love, kitty.

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  14. AnonymousJuly 16, 2009 at 12:15 PM

    Marin,

    Gagik is amazing, your love is Amazing, the family you've created is whole and beautiful, and even though Gagik is not here in body, his spirit will Never leave...he's watching over you three and the whole family now.

    love,
    Nairy

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  15. AnonymousJuly 14, 2010 at 1:38 PM

    <3 Mar inch el asem qez ... inch el chasem ... Astvats qo hoqun hamperutyun ta anchap anchap anchap yev qez zorutyun te haghtaharelu yev te kyanqi janaparh@ sharunakelu, aprelu yev zavaknerit het mek tegh, harazat yev barekam yev @nkerakan shrjapati het kangun mnalu hamar!!!

    Metsahoqis es ~ qez amenayn barin kyanqum, qanzi tsavt vorqan el vor haskanali e, miayn du gites yev karogh es zgal nra xorutyun@ ... aysuhetev togh zhpit@ demqits anpakas lini te qo yev te zavaknerit hamar yev hamayn qez sirogh, hargogh yev dzezanov aprogh oo shnchogh amenqi hamar.

    Hogin luyseri mej <3 Isk dzez bolorin hanperutyun .

    Xorin harganqnerov, Karine <3

    ReplyDelete
  16. hildaSeptember 11, 2014 at 10:03 AM

    <3 I feel your pain <3

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