Monday, July 6, 2009

my little "man"


It seems like just yesterday... we rushed to the hospital to welcome our first baby into our world. After 20 some hours in labor and with the help of my amazing coach (Gag)... we looked at our firstborns face and shared a ton of tears together... what a beautiful day that was... Gag always says that was the greatest day in his life.... Two and a half years later came our second boy Rob... and the first thing he did was pee on the doc... but that's another story...

And today.... when I look at the face we first saw in that delivery room, I see a young man... who has grown to be such an amazing person...

A couple of days ago... I lost my iron mask... and broke down and cried in front of Arman... I never let myself do that in front of the boys... I want them to know that I'm standing strong for all of us and I don't want them to get scared and worried about me or their future... But, I had gone through a very difficult day and just couldn't hold it in.... and I was comforted by a compassionate, caring, loving young man.... was this that little baby?? The one that used to keep us up all night to read him stories??? How did the years go by so fast... and now I see him standing tall and strong who is willing to be that wall behind my back... to catch me when I fall...

He has been more attentive and helpful in the care of dad... and yes for that I'm so thankful, and proud of him for stepping up to the plate and slowly fitting into the mold of a man, but.... I didn't want him to be thrust into this role so early in his life... and still want him to know that I'm here, that I will still take care of him (them).....and that he doesn't need to grow up so fast... and that in no way will I stand by and see him miss out on his youth... and the best years of his life... just to care for me.... I know.. I know... I'm sounding a bit dramatic... perhaps because that metal lock is off my heart today and the tears are freely sliding off my cheeks...as the words look blurry.... I will stop now.

Yes, life is not being fare to our boys... they need their father and will always need him, at times more that others, but I will always be here... I have made a promise to Gag that although their lives will never be the same....and they will have tough times (that's life), but I will make sure that they will have many happy and joyous days as well...

ok, I seriously can't see the screen anymore....

keep love and peace in your hearts..

11 comments:

  1. ahhhh, beautiful post!!! Nothing to say except that I love you and your family.
    Love, Gigi

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  2. Oh my love..your boys are such a blessing to everyone. they NEED to know that you are hurting and that it's OK to express emotion, just as much as they need to know you will always be there for them. You and Gag must be so proud of the young men you are raising, they are blessed indeed to have you as parents.

    tough times ahead, but for now embrace the precious moments.

    Hugs to you xxx

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  3. Apple does not fall far from the three, two beautiful kids raised by both you...Can't see the screen either... Love, Sivo

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  4. Yes, Mari, the boys will always need their father to love them, to guide them, to help mold them as they grow and evolve. The difference here from so many other families is that Gag started being a father fully engaged. He shared his heart, his interests, his wisdom, his bigger picture of the world with them right from the start. He didn't have to "learn to be a dad" while his sons were learning to be young men. No. Gag knew who he was as a man, so he could impart what it means to be a man to his boys...by his word and by his example.

    Because your children learned to open their hearts, express love, be loyal to themselves and to their family, they have given themselves the gift of their father always being in their hearts and in their minds. They will follow in the footsteps of a loving, caring, strong, gentle, and giving man. His footprints have been indelibly etched into their hearts.

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  5. Marinik Im heros axchik

    Sirts tulacel e arten yerp tesnum em te inch higatarutyamp yev hamperutyam es anum amen inch.

    Zut cher vor yerp du cnvecir, yes shat mtahogvac ei kani vor Papun misht tgha zavakner er sirum yev indz tvum er vor na karogh e txri. Baic na indz asac vor du piti lines shat xelaci yev shat bari andz. Iroq aha yes andradarnum em ayt orin yev haskanum nra asacner.

    Yes hishum em yerp du pokrik axchik eir misht yes mtahogvum ei te ays im mzik axchik incpici mayr yev kin e darnalu. Baic Aysor yes aynpes HPART em kezanov. Du mi annman kin yev annman mayr es, heros im axchik.

    Apres im Hayuhi heros astvac togh misht kez pahi yev pahpani, yerexanerit het.

    Kez shat sirox Mayr, Azo

    These are Mothers words to a daughter in Armenian, words of care, wisdom and pride.

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  6. Your boys are really precious, there gonna give you courage to get through this & sometimes in life it's okay to break down and cry because life gives us many difficult things to face but that's life ; live it , love it, & cherish it.

    -Ani S.

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  7. crying is a form of strength, mari. You were brave enough to do it in frontof your kids. It is through ur courage that ur sons are the men that they are. Congratulations.

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  8. thanks guys...
    mom.. love you

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  9. Your love and caring for your family is so pure and selfless. You are an inspiration.

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  10. Azatuhi tota jan, kez hampyurumem u pind grkum...Marinen mez bolorisa hiyatsrel ev shat baner sovoratsrel ev ays ameni mechkin dser paypayox dserkena ..astvats dsez aroxjutsyun ev hamperutyun ta.
    Menk sertov dsez hetenk.

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  11. Marine,

    Your description of Arman being there for you is beautiful. I agree with others, that your boys seeing the real you is a gift to them. I'm sure they appreciate even seeing glimpses of your true emotion, bared in front of them, so they connect with their mom. You're brave, and I'm so touched by your mom's words to you.

    love,
    Nairy

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