Monday, August 10, 2009

combating pain...

This morning was tough, the tears started at night and just wouldn't stop... perhaps I needed to cry me a river.... it just drained me so much.... and the pain didn't get any better in the morning either... so I needed a project, something that involved happy memories of Gag and me keeping busy....

And that's just what I did... framed some of his work, devoted a wall and hung them up.... right where we can see them every day. I'm glad the boys have some friends over today and are busy in their own way, but Arman noticed my puffy eyes and gave me the most comforting and gentle hug....took the pain away a bit. I'm so fortunate to have the boys... thank you Gagik for leaving some beautiful angels behind to look out for me.

So a bit of advise from this hurting soul to you.... make not only every day count... but embrace each moment and create a memory worth cherishing. That's all I have for you guys today.

love... peace... joy...


  1. What a great way to 'process' your feelings! Wonderful way to showcase Gag's heart, through his art.

  2. You inspire me to live better i just want you to know that with every word and every sentence . I admire you and your courage !!!!!!! No wonder i picked you as a friend I could see how amazing you were from the first day of class .

  3. In Times of Sorrow
    In times of sorrow and heartbreaking grief,
    it's hard to remember to keep your belief.
    Behind the scenes there is a greater force,
    guiding the events of one's chosen course.

    There is no perfect date or perfect time,
    for loved ones who are left far behind.
    Emotions and words cannot describe,
    bewilderment or questions of, "Why?"

    In times of sorrow you may not believe,
    that over time your heartache will cease.
    Through love and care of family and friends,
    your strength will increase; your tears will soon end.

    This is a time to remember the past,
    your life together that flew by so fast!
    Happy moments of laughter and fun,
    not marred by anger or ever outdone.

    Two souls experiencing lessons to share,
    with purpose and focus, not to compare.
    Beyond comprehending the ebb and the flow,
    life proves delightful and easily shows.

    In times of sorrow it is hard to perceive,
    why certain loved ones are destined to leave.
    The wheel of life is a game we all play,
    it will call you by name on your chosen day.

    But this is a day that the soul re-unites,
    to a higher power as brilliant as light.
    It's a time to rejoice to the peace that this gives,
    a joy that is shared for a soul that once lived.

    In times of sorrow you'll feel daunting fear,
    but don't let this block you, let others stay near.
    Stay true to yourself and trust in your heart,
    you are never alone and are never apart.

    When you're feeling lost things aren't what they seem,
    so pay close attention to all of your dreams.
    During this state your energy blends,
    with loved ones in spirit, for there is no end.

    This poem was written by Margaret Jang


  4. thanks for the poem Hilda jan,
    Ad you're too sweet,

  5. Oh Mari,

    Bittersweet and moving post. I wish I could sit with you thru ur pain, and yet Gagik has left the two most beautiful people in the world for you to live with. Such is life.

  6. looks like the blue period from Picasso. you can be so proud of your consolating "museum".

  7. i think your wall of paintings is absolutely wonderful. and the advice is good as well. it seems that you were indeed able to create a lot of wonderful memories to hold onto. not to mention those boys.

    hang in there!

  8. They look absolutely beautiful pictures and the colours are stunning.... very comforting. Stay strong Marinik x

  9. I have just found your blog and was extremely touched by your writing. I will take some time to look through the archives.

  10. keep flowing with that are grieving and it has to come ...i love the wall of art!

  11. Gosh that wall is stunning, absolutely step forward, one step back, good moments, bad moments...that's how it will go for a while. Thank heavens for your wonderful boys! xx

  12. A beautiful wall. Pain seeps until it settles in the bones and becomes a part of oneself, living the loss, living the joys from the past until both merge into a oneness that is at once inspiring, and strengthening. Beautiful memories. Whispers will ride the wind, and they will be heard.

  13. What a beautiful wall of memories. : ) I thought so much of you and your family the other night. i had a hard time falling asleep, letting the small things get to me. And then I thought of you. You brought me peace, my friend.

  14. I adore the wall, love the look of it, love the meaning behind it, love the pain in it, love that you can and choose to share your pain. Thank you. Seriously, thank you.