I've been chatting with an old friend of mine, who unfortunately is all the way in Spain, but thanks to e-mail we can still connect on a personal level. She was telling me about her very painful experience of losing her mom when she was a young girl. And how hard all this is on the kids. I know, how much this year has impacted our boys lives. First with Gagik's heart attack and surgery a year ago, and now the cancer....
I can't imagine what is going on inside them, yes most of the time they are so wrapped up in their own lives and probably don't think about it. But, when it does cross their mind I'm sure it is very tough, confusing, and painful. Gagik has always been such an involved dad, years of soccer coaching, and fishing trips, golf outings and the boys always love hanging out with him. So they are definitely feeling it now that dad is not up to doing most of these things with them. It hurts them, me and most of all Gagik. He lost his dad when he was just ten, so he knows how hard going through life without a father is. I can't imagine what goes through his mind, it must be such a painful thing to think about the possibility of not seeing your kids grow up and not being there for all the experiences that awaits them in their lives. Only he knows what he is feeling...
I try very hard to keep the communication open with the boys, and always explain things to them. I've made myself available to them, they are definitely needing my help now more then ever. They are not asking for my help but I know how much they need it. Especially Arman, my oldest, I know he is always scoping me out to see which face I have that day. Is it my "worried mom face" or "concerned wife face", so I know I have to be careful and not to give them too much to worry about. But, we are all positive most of the time and hope for the best. We'll all be fine no matter what happens, we'll just be left with the painful experience.
Today and everyday I will put on my "ready to take on the world" face, so I can pass on that strength and courage to my boys and husband, and infect everyone else around me with it.
I can't imagine what is going on inside them, yes most of the time they are so wrapped up in their own lives and probably don't think about it. But, when it does cross their mind I'm sure it is very tough, confusing, and painful. Gagik has always been such an involved dad, years of soccer coaching, and fishing trips, golf outings and the boys always love hanging out with him. So they are definitely feeling it now that dad is not up to doing most of these things with them. It hurts them, me and most of all Gagik. He lost his dad when he was just ten, so he knows how hard going through life without a father is. I can't imagine what goes through his mind, it must be such a painful thing to think about the possibility of not seeing your kids grow up and not being there for all the experiences that awaits them in their lives. Only he knows what he is feeling...
I try very hard to keep the communication open with the boys, and always explain things to them. I've made myself available to them, they are definitely needing my help now more then ever. They are not asking for my help but I know how much they need it. Especially Arman, my oldest, I know he is always scoping me out to see which face I have that day. Is it my "worried mom face" or "concerned wife face", so I know I have to be careful and not to give them too much to worry about. But, we are all positive most of the time and hope for the best. We'll all be fine no matter what happens, we'll just be left with the painful experience.
Today and everyday I will put on my "ready to take on the world" face, so I can pass on that strength and courage to my boys and husband, and infect everyone else around me with it.
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