Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A Long Day

WOW! I just read my last blog post..... I went on and on didn't I, could you sense my frustration a little :) I would be worried if I weren't frustrated or somewhat pissed off right?

And I'm not alone in this
, we met with our Oncologist today, as we got to talking about the why and how of cancer, she seemed pretty frustrated too. She has been working in the field for over 30 years, both in research and practice, and explained how to this day researchers are still lost as to what really triggers cancer, is it environmental, genetic, the chemicals in our foods and water, or the toxins we expose ourselves to? I asked her about this recent type of lung cancer that targets non smoking women between the ages of 40 and 50, and is a very aggressive type, most patients lose the battle within a few months. She explained that the researchers are very puzzled and are working very hard to figure out what the cause is, why exactly it attacks that particular group of women. I know two, such women who have passed away from that very cancer within the last 2 years, both at 42 years of age, leaving behind children, husbands and families. It's so frightening... again, the doctor looked as lost and bewildered as we all do... It must be tough for them, working in this environment, and seeing people from all walks of life, kids and infants even, suffering in the hands of this disease and not be able to really do much about it. I don't envy them.....

We were at the City of Hope from 8am till about 3 today, what a long and draining day.

Gago had blood tests done, radiation, doctors appointment and chemo all one after the other, the poor thing was so tired, he kept saying... just give me a couch and a blanket, so I can sleep a little. Finally, he was able to get some rest while he was getting his chemo infusion for about an hour. I had to get outside.... for some reason I wasn't as patient today, maybe I was just tired. Plus, as much as I try not to let things get to me, it's still hard to see all the other patients, each with their own pains and discomforts, trying to make it through the day, especially the kids. I met a teenage boy in the elevator with his mom, he looked a bit like Arman, had his rock T-shirt on and his Vans sneakers... headed to chemo, mom was concerned about how much homework he had to deal with later. It broke my heart, and made me think that no matter how horrible of a situation we think we are in... it could always be worse, imagine having to see your child go through this....Horror!

Anyways.. made it through the day so far, and the positive of today is that at least Gagik hasn't thrown up (yet), so that's a good thing, and now he is on his couch with a blanket, dreaming of something good... I hope.


  1. thank you for your comment on my blog. i am so sad to read about your husband though. my love & strength go out to you.

    what a wonderful thing that you are writing about it. as hard as it is, it's amazingly good for the soul.

    best wishes xoxo

  2. thanks nina
    it is hard to express things sometimes, but blogging really is helping me