Sunday, July 12, 2009

yet another update....

So... here we are... I decided to take some time and fill you all in on what's going on here....

The past 2 weeks have been so unimaginable... It was just a couple of weeks ago when Gag and Rob sat down for their painting adventure together... and as weak and in pain he was.. he could still function, talk, laugh and make us laugh. Well my friends, this cancer is just so fast and efficient at it's work... it just progressed so much so quickly, and has damaged so many parts of his body....

For the last two days we've had to have a 24 hour nurse here to try and control the unbearable plain that he's in... And this is what's killing me now, the ONE request he had... to please make sure he has no pain and we can't make that happen at times. He shouldn't have to suffer so much....

So, for the moment his pain is controlled.... yes he is out of it most of the time and he looks like he's in peace in his sleep... yes we still wanted him to be alert and share a few more words with us but... it is not as important as him not feeling any pain. He still comes to sometimes and still has a few things to say... like whispering to my mom..."take care of the boys"... or to say to whoever comes to visit... how much he loves them. And he is still asking about when Micheal (his old friend) is coming?? He is arriving on Tuesday evening, and Gag is so concerned about not being able to see him, or to communicate with him... I wish he could come sooner... but....

And now... our only wish is that he has an easy transition, a light journey into the other world, a journey with no pain... a journey without care or worry....

So, I keep whispering to him... not to worry about us, and that the boys and I will be fine... and that he may leave in peace.... His spirit needs to be freed from this physical body that is so scarred with so much pain and disease...

And I hope that all the horrid images from the past weeks will not stay in my mind for too long, and instead I will remember the few good moments we had during this journey... and the little kisses he still blows at me when he opens his eyes and sees me, the way he holds my hand and squeezes it tight yet ever so gently... these are the things I want my heart to hold on too... because everything else is just so painful... that it could very easily take over my soul.

That is all my friends.
I also wanted to send many thanks to all of you for all the love you've sent our way... this would have been so much more unbearable without you all.

love and peace!


  1. so sad to read that... may the force be with you and your three men! eliane

  2. so, so sorry. hugs, hugs, hugs.

  3. I'm so sorry to hear that I hope that he won't be in any pain, I'm sure that your doing everything for him to be comfortable. I know this is very hard for you just think of all the good times you guys have had together.. my prays are with you and your family.

    -Ani S.

  4. Mar when I saw him today, I just wanted to hug and love on him and just pour out the love to him and you.


  5. Prayers for his comfort, for his lucidity when Michael arrives, for more moments of kind memories, and for your family's strength to carry on. May God give you whatever you need when you need it, today, tomorrow, and forever.

  6. waiting with you and wishing you all peace and love. kitty

  7. “Only those who truly love and who are truly strong can sustain their lives as a dream. You dwell in your own enchantment. Life throws stones at you, but your love and your dream change those stones into the flowers of discovery. Even if you lose, or are defeated by things, your triumph will always be exemplary. And if no one knows it, then there are places that do. People like you enrich the dreams of the worlds, and it is dreams that create history. People like you are unknowing transformers of things, protected by your own fairy-tale, by love.”
    ~Ben Okri

  8. your strength is so humbling that i´m always at a lost for words. you are in my thoughts dear marinik.

  9. Marin jan, our hearts and souls are with all of you. We continue to keep you in our prayers and thoughts. God Bless. Gayan.

  10. Unity Prayer for you.

    The light of God surrounds you,
    The love of God enfolds you,
    The power of God protects you,
    The presence of God watches over you.
    Whever you are God is. Amen

  11. I am thinking of you. I send you love and strength and beauty.

    "God is able."

  12. Thinking of you daily, if not continually.


  13. Ah, this is hard to read..unimaginable to live through I'm sure.You're in my thoughts and my prayers during these last days - I pray Gag has the strength for lucid moments with Michael. And I pray for you and your boys. But mostly I pray for Gag, that the pain can be controlled so that his last moments are peaceful.

    tough, tough,tough days ... they don't get any tougher, or more precious,all rolled in to one.

    I send you strength xxxxx

  14. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} Feel my arms around you hugging you and comforting you. May you find comfort in the life you and Gag have created. Two wonderful (and gorgeous!) boys, 18 years of love and memories and an extended family that will always, always and always be there for you and the boys!
    Love, gigi

  15. wow. pain. May peace be with you.

  16. Thinking of you today and sending the loving-kindness meditation to you and your beautiful family.

    May you be filled with loving kindness.
    May you be well.
    May you be at peace and ease.
    May you be happy.


  17. We will Always be here for you and the family!


  18. thinking and praying for u and your famkily, mari.