Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Lets talk about the "self" today....
You know... that "little voice" inside our heads that is constantly nagging, and criticizing us, putting guilt trips on us, and yes at times a bit constructive with little pep talks.
Being a bit of a perfectionist, and having so much on my plate lately, I feel like I can't do anything right. Obviously with having to take care of Gagik with all his treatments and meds, and emotional support, and the kids with their needs, not to mention our shop with it's own problems, and Gagik's mom still needing me at times (should I go on...?). I am emotionally drained and physically tired, (which is to be expected), but I feel like nothing I do.. is done properly, no time for perfection and I guess that's OK for now. Then why do I still find myself fighting with that "voice" all day, constantly pointing out to me how imperfect things are...????
I go to bed at night, and when it's all quite... it starts with the nagging, going over every little thing that I missed that day, and... "I needed to do that" or " I forgot to take care of this" and "didn't get around to doing that"..... It drives me crazy at times. I've only been able to have one nice yoga practice, I find myself just too tired and drained of energy to even do that which helps me feel better and gives me what I need to really perform at my best. It's a good thing I have this blog at least...This is the one thing that I have for myself, that's a good release and calms me down.
And I know... all this is expected and natural with all that is going on, but I guess it's harder to stay focused and turn that "voice" inside to a positive energy... I have got to make some time for myself, I don't need a lot, like I said a half hour yoga session will do, and I should probable start going to my brother's Tai Chi classes again, that's another energy boost for me.
Hope I didn't bore you today with my "self" pep talk....
Take care of yourselves! Nobody else will.

I leave you with a little quote from Buddhas teachings on the topic:

"One may conquer in battle a thousand times a thousand men, yet he is the best of conquerors who conquers himself."

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