Friday, June 26, 2009

a few words from Gag...

So, last night out of the blue Gag requested that I read my blog posts to him.....

When I first started my blog, he thought it was a good idea and was glad that I had found something to help me cope with this situation..... but, he never really wanted to know what I wrote about and I never thought to share with him, I assumed that it would be tough for him to hear some of the words that I pour out.

For some reason (and it really doesn't matter why..) he wanted me to share this world that is such a big part of my days lately.... perhaps because he's noticed how much it has made an impact in our lives, and wanted to know more about the people that have been keeping me company and encouraging me with their thoughts.....

And that's exactly what we did.... I started from day one and read every single post and comment.... Mind you some of the heavier posts were difficult for me to read and were even harder for him to hear, and I asked if he wanted me to stop at any point... the answer was always "no, are you kidding??? I can do this all night with you."

He said a few things that both he and I feel we want to share with all of you.... as you are all a part of this corner of mine. I am not going to quote him, as it was an emotional moment for both of us and I just can't remember word by word what he said.... but this is as close to his words as I can get..... First of all.... he thinks I rule ( thank you very much).... he was very impressed with my writing and said he never new I could express my words so well (even though I don't think I'm that great... I just write what's on my mind and in my heart)... he even said (and I laughed) that LA Times would pay big bucks for some of my posts ;)... he especially wanted me to thank each and every one of you for, as he put it..."keeping my wife company" and for all the encouraging and loving words that you've shared with me (us). And most of all he was touched at the love that all my words expressed... he said he knows that I love him.... but this.... this says so much more and he loves me for it. And when I read the last post and comments... he was sad that it ended... and wanted it to go on and on, I promised to share all the words that I put down from now on.

We had an amazing time together for those two hours, and it got me thinking that it's no surprise to me that even in this ugly situation we're in... and although the words I read and he heard were very painful... we still had a good time, and really enjoyed ourselves... But then again that has always been us. No matter how bad of a situation we have been at times in our lives we've always looked at the brighter side of things and have always had fun no matter what. When money was tight and we couldn't go out to wine and dine, we would pop open a $5 wine put out some munchies, pop a DVD and enjoy our evening, or when one of our kids was sick and couldn't sleep at nigh.. we didn't whine and bitch about it, in stead decided to stay up and keep one another company while comforting the baby and talk about our lives together....

In other words the cup has always been half full in our eyes.... but is that surprising to any of you.???

I'd like to add that some of your comments touched his heart and made him feel the love that rang out of those words (especially yours Sue :). So thank you all from the bottom of my (our) hearts for making this tough journey of ours a bit easier.

much love and hugs

love and peace!


  1. I'm weeping, I know that's not what you want...but I can't help myself. Your strength and your love for each other is overwhelming. I've only 'known' you a couple of weeks but your story stays with me every day, and your beautiful boys.

    I'm a cup half empty kind of person, I will admit that. And I moan and bitch and whine about everything and nothing. Actually, I dislike that about myself more than anything...especially as I have everything to be thankful about. And yet you and Gag have weathered so many storms together, cheerfully and with such strengh.

    I'm so glad Gag has heard all your posts, there is nothing to hide. But do carry on as you need to blog like nobody is reading. Don't censure yourself because Gag is going to hear your words...I'm sure you talked openly about things in a way you never would have, because of your blog. So let that continue.

    Hugs to you both from the UK, such a special couple xxx

  2. aww spud.. didn't want to make you weep...but thanks for all your thoughts, and you're right I won't think twice about still pouring my heart out in my posts
    thanks guys for the comments :)

  3. Thank you for sharing all this with us please keep it up. You are a very special wife, mom, daughter ,sis and friend. True love is unconditioning.

    Have a good weekend.
    Ani S.

  4. I'm so pleased that Gag is now really a part of your blog. By having read it all, his energy is even more deeply enmeshed here. Mari, have to watched The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch? It's been around for over a year but I just saw it this week. It's on youtube.

    Aromatic Blessings to you, Gag and your beautiful boys.

  5. I love the way you love. Both of you. Sharing so much, without fanfare or drama. Sometimes even without many words. Just love.

    Mari, I think there are many more words inside you, many stories, many observations, many truths still to share. And I have a sense that after reading your blog together, Gag is counting on you to one day get them up, out, and on paper. For you. For the boys. For him.

    And for something much bigger than the LA Times.

  6. Ani jan, thanks for your well wishes,
    TFM... I'll check it our someone else mentioned it to me a while back... and thanks for the Aromatic Blessings:)
    Sue... you are once again too kind... bigger than the LA Times huh....hmmmm maybe some day... you never know :)

  7. I always go to write a comment on your blog, and then have to stop myself, because I don't want to say the wrong thing. But I would like you to know that I am thinking of you guys lots and lots, and that last year my close family and friend unit went through the same thing you are experiencing, twice, and that life is a bitch, but it is beautiful at the same time. These kinds of rides are what remind us of what we have and what can't be taken from us. You guys will endure.

  8. Stacey thanks for commenting today... and don't ever think you can ever say the wrong thing.... in these situations.... there is never the wrong thing to say....

  9. Deep sigh* When I visited you one night. I began reading through your post. I thought to myself. How come I didn't know that your husband was sick sooner. This is just my heart speaking... so bear with me. I stopped that night, sat back and realized I want to get to know these people, Gag's story, your feelings. I let the words seep into me and touch me.
    See, when my husband and I were married at 18, almost 22 years ago we didn't have a lot, but we had faith and we had each other.
    Hell, there's still times we don't have what we want, but hey, the kids have what they need. That's all that counts. ; ) When I read your words, I could relate to the love you two have for each other. I know that love.
    I don't need to know you personally, to have love for you and to keep you in my daily prayers. I am a wife, that makes me equipped to understand a tiny bit. I am a mother, so it helps me understand the feelings of parents. I in no way, know what you are going through, but I know that I care.
    I am a child of God, so I believe that makes you both, my bro and sister.
    There are times I drive in the car and think of how your day is going. I see a certain food at the restaurant and think of your family.
    I send you love and appreciate that our paths have crossed.

  10. Christina... thanks for caring so much... I too am glad our paths have crossed in this cyber world.... :)

  11. Verjine AltomariJuly 14, 2009 at 5:45 AM

    Dear Marinik,

    I too have been through this most difficult of times and lost my husband to cancer when my daughter just turned 3. My only words of comfort is know that he is going to a much better place and over time your heart will heal but you will never forget and his spirit will never leave you and his loved ones! Believe me when I tell you this! You and your family are in my prayers....

  12. Dear Marinik
    I 'stumbled' upon your blo - it was meant to be as of course it's re-inforced for me that hurt and pain don't belong just to me.
    God Bless you and keep you strong,

    Liz x

  13. wow you are an amazing person, and your posts are incredibly encouraging.♥