Friday, June 12, 2009

the time has come

My dearest friends....

I wish I had some happy words to share with you tonight.....

But.... as my heart aches with each word I type, and my soul is in agony from my thoughts.....
I have not much to say.... it would appear that cancer is winning.... the tumors in his liver and on his spine have actually doubled in size in the last 8 weeks, and are growing very rapidly.

As advised by our wonderful and compassionate doctor, that any further treatment would put unnecessary strain on his body..... so the time has come for us to seek help from Hospice.

The time has come for me to make every day really count, to make sure he has no pain, that he is comfortable and surrounded by our love and joy, and to savor each glance, each kiss, each moment we're together.

Once again, he handled it with the utmost strength, courage, grace and humor... that's my Gag.
I will be seeking help from one of the social workers at City of Hope to speak to the boys and explain what we will be going through... It will be very hard, I know I will be strong... I will be patient, I will be comforting, and I will be there for all of us.... I have to be.

I have no more words to share tonight...

keep love and peace in your hearts


  1. My heart aches for you Mari. I can only imagine how you must feel knowing that you're going to have to say goodbye to your bestfriend, soulmate and the father of your sons.

    Have you considered contacting a Reiki practitioner? (if you are up for that sort of thing). Energy work might be an emotional balm at this time, for all of you.

    Sending love and light.

  2. The time has come for me to be quiet and let you have the space to feel your feelings and find your peace. So I will give my words to God in the form of prayers for your family, prayers beseeching Him for peace that passes all understanding, for joy in the moments, for comfort in each other and in God's firm embrace, for courage to face the known and the unknown, and for love to feed your spirit, encourage your heart, and satisfy your soul.

    And if you don't mind, I will still pray for that miracle of miracles...healing even in the face of such daunting statistics. I will always believe and expect the best. I can't help it.

  3. I shall light a candle and offer a thought.

    Buddha says, "Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."

    My thoughts are with you and yours, my offering is with you and yours, my hopes are with you and yours.

    peace and love
    ~ Philip

  4. Mary jan I hope you have good things to tell us but sadly we have to face the truth. I wish you can spend all the days from now on with him and his loved ones to make it worthy & unforgettable for all of you.

    Daily Fuidance from your Angels says,"When you hold your worries inside, they fester within a closed container, growing darker and larger until they haunt you with incessant stress.So instead of bottling up these concerns, give them to God."

    "Let this be the when you surrender all of your cares to God. Don't wait a moment longer to release every shred of fear or doubt to heaven's waiting arms."

    peace and love Ani S.

  5. My bayby sister. My blood, my life, my hero. I can not hold my tears as I share your pain. The glances I catch as I watch you go about your day both inspire my heart and stab at it at the same time. I can feel your anger, like a vulcanoe about to erupt, I can feel your loss and at the same time I feel in my heart the strength of your character. Your will to endure. Youre genuine godgiven gift of the motherhood instict. It swells my heart with pride to call you my relation. For your strenght, your unwavering love and your dedication to your family serves as beeken of light in theese gloomy days.

    I truely love you my sister.

    Love forever


  6. Marin,

    I can only imagine little pieces of the pain you must feel...I really wish this wasn't the case, in any way, and as the poster above said, the only way I know to put it in context is that of life and death, where we all go. We are here for you, and love you completely. You're not alone, and i have no words to say other than to pray to God in my mind and heart for peace, no pain, and still miracles, for you and Gagik.